Chaos Reigns

Chaos Reigns


Happiness! Reality or a figment of the imagination? Day turns to night, a man sleeps next to her, confusion sets in. Is he the one, or is he a man from her past, lost in the present? Miles below the surface, she fights to find which way is up, to breathe again. To distinguish between night and day, happiness and madness. Chaos reigns, suffocating the soul. She’s drowning in a sea of absurdity. Life’s balance has shifted toward the night's darkness. She travels a thousand leagues, searching for the surface and a thousand more she will traverse before the day is found.


MRW
01/19/2008

Mānoa Falls

Mānoa Falls

The path before me, wīnds along leading to the Mānoa Falls, a canopy of Bayan trees overhead, life in full celebration before my eyes. Can you here the slow and steady beat, the rumble cascading from the kingdom above? I sit by the falls pondering the mist landing on my toes, cool and clear and I wonder if I have seen heaven as it should be. Surrounded above and below by the many hues of the rainbow, a warm breeze blowing Orchids to and fro. Sunshine filling every living thing with vitality and beauty beyond, and still I contemplate perfection.

MRW

12/30/08

Smoke and Ash

Smoke and Ash

I’ve been dragging these memories around long
enough. The endlessness of the hurt and pain,
lingers. It weighs heavy on my mind like, a stone
around my neck. Forgiving is hard, forgetting
even harder. To live in peace, free of the past, is all
I ask. I hesitate at the door to the future.
Holding onto those bittersweet memories.
Guns of the past, blowing holes in my dreams.
The enemy always moving closer, fighting
for my freedom, long and hard. My army is
stronger the fight to survive is greater. The fire
has burned its last flame. All is not forgiven, all is
not forgotten. But this damaged, broken, burnt
woman, will rise again from the smoke and ash.
Stronger, taller, smarter, than before.



MRW10/08/2008

Liar and Psycho

Liar and Psycho

And she is a liar and psycho, and she manipulates and weaves her way in until you can't tell where the lies begin and where they end and your loved ones will believe her and why? Because she has lied before and been caught in the lie and still they will see her and not you and all you have will be lost to the liar and psycho. She has stolen my life and he even called her liar and psycho for the world to know and now they know I was nothing and the liar and psycho prevailed again.

MRW
10/03/2008

Empty

Empty

Empty, Empty, Empty
Love just out of reach
Fearful of a future alone
Lonely nights
Blank days
Crying eyes
My only question, why her?

MRW
08/04/08

Sun Lit Path

Sun Lit Path

Beautiful sunshine fills me, spilling over into the world around. Friends and strangers alike notice the smile, the glint in my eye, the confident stride, as I walk along the sun lit path.

MRW
07/18/2008

Who am I

I'm not sure who I am. I know things about myself, but is that who I am? I LOVE to sing and draw and work on my quilts. I love to be outside, in the summer, with a breeze blowing. I love nature, flowers, and the worlds amazing creatures that surround us. I hate people that lie, and cheat, and steel. I hate people who are fake and always trying to make other people think they are something that they are not. I don't believe that money can buy happiness. Sure, it would make some things in life easier, but it can't make you happy. I hate people that litter (my pet peeve). I love to write my poems, which is fairly new for me, but they always seem so dark, and I'm not sure what's up with that. I love going to the park, and the zoo, and playing in the dirt with my kids. Ethan always brings me frogs and lizards and I think it's awesome. But is all that me? I don't know?

I believe my dragons are my protectors and I love my fantasy books. I love watching mushy love story movies, and action flicks when women are kicking some serious ass, I wish I could be like that. I believe a woman can do anything that a man can do, if she wants to. We are not the weaker sex. I hate sexism. I hate cooking and I hate dishes. I can't spell today or any day, it's definitely not one of my best qualities. I'm not good in math at all, and history used to be my favorite subject, but for some reason, I can't remember a damn thing about it now. I would love to study ancient Egypt and other types or religion. I'm not religious, but I would like to know about them. I want to learn how to paint, and I think I would make an awesome CSI. I know that's funny, but really, I think I would be good at that. I love taking pictures of my boys and all things. I see beautiful things that most people just walk by without noticing. I love Dragon Fly's and my favorite flower is the Orchid. It's an amazingly beautiful flower. I love the ocean and all of its wonderful, wonders. I should truly be living somewhere close a beach. I love to dance, and I don't care if I have to dance by myself. I very organized and I'm great at putting a lot of stuff into a small amount of space. I love to be hugged and held close. I despise people who try to interfere in other peoples' lives.

Stop already with the gossip and all the childish stuff you did when you were kids. I have never been part of the (in) crowd, because I didn't feel it necessary to sit around and talk about everyone else. I believe the country has gone to hell and no one is doing a damn thing about it. Slowly but surely they are taking away all of our God given rights as humans. Before the world ends, we will live in a communist state of being and have to ask permission to piss. And stop throwing trash everywhere. My sons deserve to have a beautiful planet to live on, that isn't covered in shit. What did the next generation ever do to deserve that? I know that everything in life changes over time, but the Native Americans had the right idea about how to live in piece with nature and not destroy everything they touched. The people of today are basically useless, consumer driven, money hungry, selfish assholes.

And just for a little clarification, this blog post in not directed to anyone specific. It's just a little bit about me and my daily rant about the shit we all have to deal with on a regular basis. If you agree with me, that's great. If you don't, that's great. Keep it to yourself.


Ok, I'm done for today.

MRW
07/10/2008

Dragons

Dragons

Beautiful bodies painted in a myriad of vibrant colors. A plethora of art walking the crowded streets, eyes staring endlessly. My quintessence covered from head to toe in a rainbow of different hues. Dragons, I carry with me, my protectors in this life and the next. See me through life’s trials and society unforgiving. Unbending, unyielding are many people’s attitudes toward the children of today. I will not sulk or hide in the darkness, but carry my painted soul forward for the world to view. Close and turn if you do not like what you see.


MRW
06/20/2008

Florida Sun

Florida Sun

Florida Sun, Florida Sun
Beautiful Blue awaits
Early morning rain
Quiet walks
Birds fluttering
Crabs scurrying
Palm trees, sand, and shells
The Sea side mist clings
Visions I see of Florida Sun
Florida Sun

MRW

04/09/2008

Stay With Me

Stay With Me


Snow covered Evergreens haunt my dreams, tinged red with the blood seeping slowly from you. Death awaits us all. You are leaving now, before your time. I hold you in my arms, the warmth of you flowing between my fingers. Last words whispered, I’m sorry, I love you... then you were gone. The bell rings, my Angel appears, faces seen before to carry me home. Loneliness never known fills all parts of me. I see you again, my Angel sent to save me, but why do you leave? Stay with me, don’t go, life without you isn’t worth living. You whisper again, I’m sorry, I love you, and I’ll always be with you.


MRW 03/04/2008

Strangers

Strangers

We fall asleep together, we wake up together, use each others’ tooth brushes, and eat from the same plate, yet we feel like strangers. I know your laugh, the glint in your eye, the peach fuzz coming in, tall and lanky, handsome and funny, but who are you? Gangster movies and rap music, good food and money, the daily pleasures that make up you. Hidden far away, stashed behind the clouds, the hopes, dreams, desires, longing, and love unseen. A Son, a Father, a Friend, a Lover – all this and still a mystery to me.

MRW 03/03/2008

Friends I Can Count On

Friends I Can Count On

I can count on one hand, the friends I can count on. Days drift by, fading into years. Light dims, friends move on, this I understand. We blame careers, kids, husbands, boyfriends, and the bustle of the day to day craze. I’m having a hard time remembering simple days. Worries of dinner, laundry, further education, and finances were far from the mind. Having fun was the only goal for the day.

There has to be an in-between. It has to be possible to have friends, family, and a job. I just can’t seem to find the compromise. After a day at work, picking up the kids, making dinner, doing the dishes, and giving baths, I don’t want to do anything else. And of course, Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for all the things that didn’t get done during the week. Who the hell has time for friends, I can barley find time for other family members.

I can’t find a balance between responsibilities and fun. I can’t even remember the last time that I went to visit a friend and more so than that, the last time a friend came to visit me. It absolutely amazes me, how a 45 minute drive affects our lives, when it comes to time and spending it with friends. 45 minutes, that’s nothing in the grand scheme of life, but when you have a hundred things to do, no one wants to spend 45 there and 45 minutes back.

Why is it so difficult for me to let loose and have a little fun? Anyone who knows me, knows that I have had this problem for probably the last ten years of my life. Actually when I think about it, even as a child, I was off to the side, not in the crowd. I wish that I could be the extravert, that everyone has a blast with. I don’t do well in groups of people or crowed rooms. People are always talking about other people (gossip), politics, religion, or war… Those subjects are not fun to talk about, they are usually pretty depressing.

I miss my friends, but since I’ve moved, I wonder if any of them were truly my friends to begin with. No one ever calls, no one ever comes to visit, no one ever invites me to come visit them. What happened, did I do something to offend all my friends. It can’t be just because I live 45 minutes away, it’s not that damn far.

MRW 02/12/2008

Grandpa

Grandpa


Looking at you, looking at me, utter disappointment
seen. A young girl pregnant, a fathers disgust.

Always so proud, an artist, a singer, a poet, now a mother

to be. A child to raise a child alone. Daddy's little girl, hold

me close. Tears rain down filling oceans of dreams lost.

Who am I? Always a good girl, what was I thinking,
a moments irresponsibility, life altering consequences.

Too young, life unlived, boundaries set for eternity.

A babe born, a father becomes a grandfather.
Disappointment turns to adoration. The child a burden
only in previous thoughts, no longer discontent, a
grand future ahead. Two daughters, now a grandson,
fishing, hunting, and boys will be boys, "grandpa lets go"!



MRW
01/09/2008

Minds Darkness

Minds Darkness

All alone as the night creeps in. Minutes seem like hours
and hours seem like days. The ebony night grows darker
as moments pass. I huddle in the deep recesses of my
mind, nothing but the darkness for company, surrounding
me like a blanket, holding me close.

Darkness is here every night, comforting, caressing, covering
me head to toe, refusing to let go, listening to my deepest

thoughts without judgment or persecution.

Night deepens and I hear only the beat of my own heart.
All creatures have scurried home leaving me alone with thoughts
only of secrets kept. Death and decay of the raven night consumes all.

Strong hands enter the impenetrable recesses with vivid authority
gripping me tightly, gently ripping me from the shadows.

MRW
12/28/2007

My Daily Prayer

My Daily Prayer

Sometimes it seems that the days are getting brighter with the night

swallowing the day. Lord, help me escape the darkness.

Sometimes is seems that the hours are getting longer with no

end to the madness. Lord, help me find the sanity.

Some times is seems that life is an uphill battle, with no

victory in the end. Lord, help find the peace.

Sometimes is seems the road is foggy with no destination

in sight. Lord, I'm lost, help me find my way.

I have stumbled on the path to righteousness.

Lord, lift me up and show me the light.

MRW

12/11/2007

Rain

Rain

I’m sitting in a crowded room and still I feel alone. I have the love of a wonderful family and still the tears fall like rain. All things seem to be going my way, and still I’m left in the cold. The cloudy skies and rain this day, make all things sad and gray. The cold and drizzle that continues, has turned all thoughts to bitter drops falling from the sky to soak me through and through. I’m standing knee deep in a puddle, yet my thirst for life can not be quenched.

I beg for sunny days and a cool breeze blowing the leaves, Lilacs and Honey Suckle fresh in the air. Waiting for signs of Spring to melt away the frigid feelings. Tomorrow the sun will shine and cast a glow over me. The damp thoughts will finally cease to fall.

MRW
12/21/2007

Nightly Dreams

Nightly Dreams

We sleep, I dream, words come easy. I love you. Marry me. Have babies, we are soul mates, we can have everything. Ten years drift by twenty, then thirty, we are happy. We have out lasted time. A blurry fog of hours fade on and still I dream of love. You touch me tenderly, lovingly, passionately.

The sun rises, we wake, memories of words uttered before linger on thoughts of today. Remember this time, please, phrases said yesterday. We wake the sun is full. I look over,

our eyes meet, and all is the same. Alas, it was just a dream…


MRW
12/15/2007

Christmas Cheer

Christmas Cheer


Oh, it’s cold outside.
It’s December don’t you know.
The blizzards and cold winds chill from head to toe.
We’re up to our knees in frosty white snow, while
visions of salted drinks dance to and froe.

Lighted homes, wreaths, and snow angels are a plenty,
Snowflakes and snowmen, there’s far far too many.
Christmas trees and colored packages are that we see.
Alas, sun and sand is what should be.

Give me Palm trees and beaches every day of the year,
you can keep all this cold stuff you call Christmas Cheer.

MRW
12/14/2007

My Birthday

My Birthday

My birthday is soon to come, twenty nine I will be.
You’re approaching thirty, all my friends will say.

You’re getting OLD, they will all laugh.
No more fun and games for you, they will all say.

“You’re all older than me”, I will reply.. You’ve all the

passed the hump and are on your way to the hill.

Soon we’ll all be fifty, with walkers and canes at our sides.
No more pizza and wings for us, we’ll all be crying.

My nieces and nephews, will be saying grandma NO,

that’s Not how that works, help me please I will say, for

I’m old And don’t know the new ways.

Together we will climb the great Mountain of life,

laughing and singing all the way, Jesus is waiting for

us, to bless us this day.



MRW
12/06/2007