Friends I Can Count On

Friends I Can Count On

I can count on one hand, the friends I can count on. Days drift by, fading into years. Light dims, friends move on, this I understand. We blame careers, kids, husbands, boyfriends, and the bustle of the day to day craze. I’m having a hard time remembering simple days. Worries of dinner, laundry, further education, and finances were far from the mind. Having fun was the only goal for the day.

There has to be an in-between. It has to be possible to have friends, family, and a job. I just can’t seem to find the compromise. After a day at work, picking up the kids, making dinner, doing the dishes, and giving baths, I don’t want to do anything else. And of course, Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for all the things that didn’t get done during the week. Who the hell has time for friends, I can barley find time for other family members.

I can’t find a balance between responsibilities and fun. I can’t even remember the last time that I went to visit a friend and more so than that, the last time a friend came to visit me. It absolutely amazes me, how a 45 minute drive affects our lives, when it comes to time and spending it with friends. 45 minutes, that’s nothing in the grand scheme of life, but when you have a hundred things to do, no one wants to spend 45 there and 45 minutes back.

Why is it so difficult for me to let loose and have a little fun? Anyone who knows me, knows that I have had this problem for probably the last ten years of my life. Actually when I think about it, even as a child, I was off to the side, not in the crowd. I wish that I could be the extravert, that everyone has a blast with. I don’t do well in groups of people or crowed rooms. People are always talking about other people (gossip), politics, religion, or war… Those subjects are not fun to talk about, they are usually pretty depressing.

I miss my friends, but since I’ve moved, I wonder if any of them were truly my friends to begin with. No one ever calls, no one ever comes to visit, no one ever invites me to come visit them. What happened, did I do something to offend all my friends. It can’t be just because I live 45 minutes away, it’s not that damn far.

MRW 02/12/2008