Friends I Can Count On

Friends I Can Count On

I can count on one hand, the friends I can count on. Days drift by, fading into years. Light dims, friends move on, this I understand. We blame careers, kids, husbands, boyfriends, and the bustle of the day to day craze. I’m having a hard time remembering simple days. Worries of dinner, laundry, further education, and finances were far from the mind. Having fun was the only goal for the day.

There has to be an in-between. It has to be possible to have friends, family, and a job. I just can’t seem to find the compromise. After a day at work, picking up the kids, making dinner, doing the dishes, and giving baths, I don’t want to do anything else. And of course, Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for all the things that didn’t get done during the week. Who the hell has time for friends, I can barley find time for other family members.

I can’t find a balance between responsibilities and fun. I can’t even remember the last time that I went to visit a friend and more so than that, the last time a friend came to visit me. It absolutely amazes me, how a 45 minute drive affects our lives, when it comes to time and spending it with friends. 45 minutes, that’s nothing in the grand scheme of life, but when you have a hundred things to do, no one wants to spend 45 there and 45 minutes back.

Why is it so difficult for me to let loose and have a little fun? Anyone who knows me, knows that I have had this problem for probably the last ten years of my life. Actually when I think about it, even as a child, I was off to the side, not in the crowd. I wish that I could be the extravert, that everyone has a blast with. I don’t do well in groups of people or crowed rooms. People are always talking about other people (gossip), politics, religion, or war… Those subjects are not fun to talk about, they are usually pretty depressing.

I miss my friends, but since I’ve moved, I wonder if any of them were truly my friends to begin with. No one ever calls, no one ever comes to visit, no one ever invites me to come visit them. What happened, did I do something to offend all my friends. It can’t be just because I live 45 minutes away, it’s not that damn far.

MRW 02/12/2008

Grandpa

Grandpa


Looking at you, looking at me, utter disappointment
seen. A young girl pregnant, a fathers disgust.

Always so proud, an artist, a singer, a poet, now a mother

to be. A child to raise a child alone. Daddy's little girl, hold

me close. Tears rain down filling oceans of dreams lost.

Who am I? Always a good girl, what was I thinking,
a moments irresponsibility, life altering consequences.

Too young, life unlived, boundaries set for eternity.

A babe born, a father becomes a grandfather.
Disappointment turns to adoration. The child a burden
only in previous thoughts, no longer discontent, a
grand future ahead. Two daughters, now a grandson,
fishing, hunting, and boys will be boys, "grandpa lets go"!



MRW
01/09/2008

Minds Darkness

Minds Darkness

All alone as the night creeps in. Minutes seem like hours
and hours seem like days. The ebony night grows darker
as moments pass. I huddle in the deep recesses of my
mind, nothing but the darkness for company, surrounding
me like a blanket, holding me close.

Darkness is here every night, comforting, caressing, covering
me head to toe, refusing to let go, listening to my deepest

thoughts without judgment or persecution.

Night deepens and I hear only the beat of my own heart.
All creatures have scurried home leaving me alone with thoughts
only of secrets kept. Death and decay of the raven night consumes all.

Strong hands enter the impenetrable recesses with vivid authority
gripping me tightly, gently ripping me from the shadows.

MRW
12/28/2007

My Daily Prayer

My Daily Prayer

Sometimes it seems that the days are getting brighter with the night

swallowing the day. Lord, help me escape the darkness.

Sometimes is seems that the hours are getting longer with no

end to the madness. Lord, help me find the sanity.

Some times is seems that life is an uphill battle, with no

victory in the end. Lord, help find the peace.

Sometimes is seems the road is foggy with no destination

in sight. Lord, I'm lost, help me find my way.

I have stumbled on the path to righteousness.

Lord, lift me up and show me the light.

MRW

12/11/2007

Rain

Rain

I’m sitting in a crowded room and still I feel alone. I have the love of a wonderful family and still the tears fall like rain. All things seem to be going my way, and still I’m left in the cold. The cloudy skies and rain this day, make all things sad and gray. The cold and drizzle that continues, has turned all thoughts to bitter drops falling from the sky to soak me through and through. I’m standing knee deep in a puddle, yet my thirst for life can not be quenched.

I beg for sunny days and a cool breeze blowing the leaves, Lilacs and Honey Suckle fresh in the air. Waiting for signs of Spring to melt away the frigid feelings. Tomorrow the sun will shine and cast a glow over me. The damp thoughts will finally cease to fall.

MRW
12/21/2007

Nightly Dreams

Nightly Dreams

We sleep, I dream, words come easy. I love you. Marry me. Have babies, we are soul mates, we can have everything. Ten years drift by twenty, then thirty, we are happy. We have out lasted time. A blurry fog of hours fade on and still I dream of love. You touch me tenderly, lovingly, passionately.

The sun rises, we wake, memories of words uttered before linger on thoughts of today. Remember this time, please, phrases said yesterday. We wake the sun is full. I look over,

our eyes meet, and all is the same. Alas, it was just a dream…


MRW
12/15/2007

Christmas Cheer

Christmas Cheer


Oh, it’s cold outside.
It’s December don’t you know.
The blizzards and cold winds chill from head to toe.
We’re up to our knees in frosty white snow, while
visions of salted drinks dance to and froe.

Lighted homes, wreaths, and snow angels are a plenty,
Snowflakes and snowmen, there’s far far too many.
Christmas trees and colored packages are that we see.
Alas, sun and sand is what should be.

Give me Palm trees and beaches every day of the year,
you can keep all this cold stuff you call Christmas Cheer.

MRW
12/14/2007

My Birthday

My Birthday

My birthday is soon to come, twenty nine I will be.
You’re approaching thirty, all my friends will say.

You’re getting OLD, they will all laugh.
No more fun and games for you, they will all say.

“You’re all older than me”, I will reply.. You’ve all the

passed the hump and are on your way to the hill.

Soon we’ll all be fifty, with walkers and canes at our sides.
No more pizza and wings for us, we’ll all be crying.

My nieces and nephews, will be saying grandma NO,

that’s Not how that works, help me please I will say, for

I’m old And don’t know the new ways.

Together we will climb the great Mountain of life,

laughing and singing all the way, Jesus is waiting for

us, to bless us this day.



MRW
12/06/2007