Maybe I'm being completely irrational, but damn it...... I'm tired of living my life for everyone else. I know that moving to Florida is completely impratical, I know that I would be uprooting Connor and possibly Ethan and Blake would probably follow me there. But this place, (where I am now), holds no value for me. Yes, I have a job and I've been here 4 yrs now. I have a shitty apartment, that is surrounded by low class hoosiers. And I have several friends that have their own lives and families and could probably care less if I'm here or not. I have family in Florida and I have this deap seated emotional connection to the Ocean and constant Sunshine, that I just can't explain. Everytime I visit, it gets harder and harder to come back to this place, where it's freezing 5 months out of the year. I don't want to wake up in the morning and have to clean snow and ice off of my vehicle. I don't want to deal with men and women who think they are SuperMan and drive 75 in the sleet. Yes, we have nice grass and beautiful flowers in the spring and all this flooding is sooo much fun. But, if I stay here, I'm not living MY life as I want too. I would be living my life for those people who really don't give a shit about me, they just want to be close to Connor and Ethan.... and I'm not incensitive to that. I completely understand, and I feel that they do need to be close to their dads, but the longer I'm here, the more I hate it. I know that my boys love their dads very much, but neither one of those so called men are very good influences. Between the drinking, the lack of motivation, the woman, the lying, and just all around bad character, it wouldn't hurt my boys one bit to be without them for awhile. So, I have set my sites on Florida, with family that loves and cares for me and my precious boys. It may take me awhile to get there, but I WILL get there. If I do nothing else in my life, I WILL get there.
Friday, May 15, 2009
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2 comments:
As sad as it would make me to have you so far away (not that we get to see each other much now but, you know?) I think you should go...
not only do you deserve to do what you think is/could be a good thing to do, but the one lesson i have learned in life is not to let people make your decisions for you. You have to do something for yourself you know. Uprooting the kids is not that big of a deal, they are still young, and its not as if their dads won't see them. It would be great for them to spend some time around grandpa too. You could make it temporary if it didn't work out, the worst that can happen is you end up having to move again right? thats not so bad....
Florida would be good for you, and the boys... at least try it out for the summer and see how you like it, you are a smart girl, and you can get a job anywhere, take some chances!! carpe diem!!!
PS.... if you don't go, you will forever wonder if it would have been better for you guys, and its unlikely you will regret going if you do, even if you end up coming back.
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